Monday, December 18, 2017
Me: I’m back. :-)
Charlie: I love that you’re back. What do you want to talk about?
Me: Let’s talk about what I need to do.
Charlie: That sounds awful. Let’s talk about what you want.
Me: Oh, okay. So, you mean like generally or specifically?
Charlie: Let’s start with really general.
Me: Okay. I want to be happier.
Charlie: Oh yeah, that’s pretty general. What does “happy” look like for you?
Me: It looks like freedom. Freedom to travel, go on adventures, retreats, have and do things to improve my home, help my family. It feels outgoing and confident. It feels healthy, vibrant with close fun loving relationships. I would feel supported emotionally and able to create something really meaningful.
Charlie: You aren’t feeling all of these things for a reason, just one reason. You’re in a contracted state. Your mind is generating fear and self-criticism. You’re beating yourself up and beating yourself up for beating yourself up. It doesn’t look very pretty from where I stand but you’re doing it to yourself. From my point of view, you’re throwing a tantrum and when you’re not throwing a tantrum you’re having a pity party. You’re angry because you’ve had two “failed” marriages and you blame yourself for everything. You even blame yourself for every problem your grown children have. You blame yourself for getting wrinkles and gray hair, for not having a better, cleaner car, for not having more coaching clients and making more money. Your tantrums and pity parties are very contracted and self-indulgent.
Me: Well that’s pretty straightforward of you to point all that out.
Charlie: someone has to. Bill has done a big job of pointing all that out to but it just makes your tantrums and pity parties worse, coming from him. No wonder you keep dumping him. You’ve done a good job of confusing him you know. He triggers you so much because your hypersensitive and egotistical, which makes so many things feel like an attack. Your confidence and self-esteem look like a train wreck. You’re slithering around a dark rain forest floor, ready to attack anything that moves.
Me: Gosh Charlie, you’re making me look horrible.
Charlie: Well, this part of you is not exactly lovely. But it’s like focusing on your sh*t instead of the other 99% of you that is wonderful beyond description. If you could only see yourself from my point of view. But even if I went on and on, page after page about how incredible you are, you won’t hear it because of where you are standing.
Me: Give me a solution Charlie.
Charlie: You know it. You know that place where you and I meet in the heart of meditation. You know very well. That’s where your heart merges with me and we float above the rain forest. I want you to come back to me there. You know that changes everything inside you and outside you.
Me: Why did I stop meditating?
Charlie: Your relationship with Bill tipped you over and you slipped into a downward spiral again. This isn’t new for you. You’ve done this fairly often throughout your whole life; everyone does. Some people are good at getting back on track quickly, before the downward spiral takes them too far down, but even those people will have a dark night of the soul at some point. It’s part of living a human life in this realm.
Me: Tell me what that point is Charlie
Charlie: It defines the edge. It pushes the limit. It expands the frontier. You may not see or understand much from that perspective but that’s where all the seeds of creation – good and bad – are being planted and germinating. From the absolute creative point of view, there is no” good” or “bad”. Remember your story that you wrote about 10 years ago called The Human Acorn?
Me: Yes, of course. Thanks Charlie. It would be good for me to read that again. I don't know where I put it. I guess I could Google it. That was a cute story and it was pretty popular on the Internet. I know everything you say is right and I always feel better talking with his way. And I know I always feel better sitting in our heart of meditation together, just breathing together in Love. <3 :-)
Charlie: <3 <3 <3