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Monday, December 18, 2017


1:23 PM

Me: I’m trying to get organized Charlie. I have so much financial anxiety right now living on barely $1000 a month, no health insurance no house insurance… I know I don’t need to tell you this since we are in this together. I know the name of the game is to let me try to figure things out for myself and end up just fumbling and stumbling around, procrastinating, reading, researching, studying and trying to get somewhere. I’m not real happy with the way things are right now Charlie. You know I’m trying and I also know you know I try not to ask for too much help but I need to ask you for help now Charlie. What am I supposed to do?

Charlie: Why are you trying to not ask me for help?

Me: Because I’m supposed to be learning how to “drive” right here right? I’m supposed to be learning and figuring out how to live a great life and succeed… Right?

Charlie: Why?

Me: What do you mean “why?”. Aren't we “humans” supposed to be on our personal missions to find fulfillment? Happiness? I mean really Charlie, isn’t that the whole point?

Charlie: Your funny.

Me: What?

Charlie: I mean look at what you just said, “on a mission to find fulfillment”. Where in the world are you going? Are you trying to compile all your hiking gear to go off into the mountains to find yourself? Let me remind you that we’ve already done that… Twice. This time we’ve been here in the mountains for 10 years; so far away from humanity that your family calls it a “wild wilderness vacation” just to come and visit you. Your second biggest concern, apart from money, is finding a black bear in your kitchen. What is your “mission” this time? You’ve divorced two husbands and you’ve left Bill about 10 times, running away to “find” yourself.

Me: Okay Charlie, you’re rubbing it in. What’s the point?

Charlie: The point is you are like… an eyeball trying to see itself.

Me: Where if I heard that before?

Charlie: Well, you know there’s nothing I can tell you that you don’t already know

Me: Then why do I feel so surprised sometimes with the things you say?

Charlie: I’m just reminding you about things you have forgotten I’m just reminding you. You (we) already know, it’s just that you’re in the dark sometimes; never really lost because I always know where you are but… You feel lost sometimes.

Me: So, what am I supposed to be doing if I’m not on a “mission?”

Charlie: All of life everywhere is on a mission to be fully expressed. That’s the driving force behind evolution but outward expression is achieved through a dance between the outward forms and the inward sustenance. In other words outward expression is dependent on its life guiding energy. To put it in a rather crude term, a toaster makes toast but without electricity it’s just a piece of junk. Likewise, electricity is everywhere but has no purpose unless it can activate life forms to dance with.

Me: Amazing. So, I need you but you don’t need me?

Charlie: Wow, that sounds bad.

Me: Just trying to get clear.

Charlie: Does a toaster need electricity? Yes, if it wants to achieve its “purpose for being”. Does electricity need a toaster (or any form)? No. But what a waste of creative potential.

Me: I feel like a waste of creative potential.

Charlie: You feel like that because you’re not making lots of money and you feel invisible to the world, living alone up here in the mountains for so many years. But let me remind you, incubation isn’t a waste of potential. Even if you died as a dried:up seed on a sidewalk, your potential doesn’t die it just changes form.

Me: Lots to think about thanks Charlie.

7:55 PM

Me: Okay Charlie, I had some to drink this evening. And when I turned toward you at feels like any time, you could potentially try to get me to “bungee jump”. I never know what to expect. Sometimes we just snuggle and other times you want me to jump into the Grand Canyon. So, what do you want right now? Snuggles or love? Or just cast ourselves into space?

Charlie: I’m good with either one. What do you want to do?

Me: I don’t know. Maybe I want to talk about your name. I mean really. Where did I (we) ever come up with “Charlie”? Ever since the beginning, as far as I can remember, you’ve said you'd answer to anything as long as it makes the connection. But where did the name “Charlie” come from?

Charlie: Silly girl. “Charlie” is a name belongs to your oldest brother, David’s, friend when you were almost five years old. He was a brief experience in your life but he connected with you like a baby sister that made all the pieces of your little puzzle fall into place. He wasn’t any kind of  “God” but for a moment there was a brief connection of love.  You just had a crush on him and so “Love” became “Charlie”. He was only around for a couple of school semesters but his impression on you at that time was the closest thing you had experienced as unconditional love. In essence, it’s inconsequential who “he” actually was. But he sparked an opening; like a portal between the little you and that whatever Love has ever meant to you; Everything Love feels to you. When he stopped coming around you still kept looking for him. And so, you could say, he gave me the name Charlie. But let’s not forget all my other names.

Me: Right. I’ve called you a lot of names: God, Jesus, Lord, Ram, Maharajji… Probably more

Charlie: Has anything changed?

Me: Ummmm… What? Is that a trick question? Everything is changed! My God! Thing seems to change constantly! Even more so with advancing technology. The question is ridiculous Charlie. Everything is changing! Constantly. All the time.

Charlie: Right. So tell me what’s changed for you?

Me: Time??

Charlie: Maybe. You have one thing very right, things change. Here’s where we can play. Questions: how and why does time change?

Me: I’m feeling really dense now. You’re asking me how and why time changes.

Charlie: Yes.

Me: Good heavens Charlie. You’re asking me “how” and “why” time changes.

Charlie: Yes.

Me : Can I sleep on this?

Charlie: Oh Dodie. We could sleep on that question until the cows come home.

Me: Okay give me a hint.

Charlie: It has been said that the Buddha said suffering is caused by desire. Desire isn’t “good” or “bad”. It’s the spark of creation. It’s actually the human mind that creates suffering out of contrast. Everything living creature feels desire and pain. But it’s the human mind that creates suffering it folds in on itself. It creates and re-creates stories, upon stories, upon stories… Like the Internet. The web. Oh the webs we weave! Lol. Time is a concept not a reality. Just like suffering is a concept not a reality. Everything moves but it’s the human mind that creates time. Everything experiences pain but it’s the mind that creates suffering.

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